Staying Awake


My journey into awareness was initially a solitary one. My understanding and experiences felt so distant from my peers. The usual day to day became stale, and the more I learnt about spirituality and the nature of consciousness, the more distant I felt I was becoming. I became aware of the suffering the world contains. In viewing the inconceivable atrocities committed by tyrants, and their informidable will in continuing to commit, resulted in a few mental breakdowns and constant feelings of hopelessness. 

However, I also gained consciousness of the infinitely intricate beauty of the universe, and saw it everywhere. The sky’s were illuminating and creative, the ground covered with carpets of dancing greenery. The trees now dance a synergistic dance with the wind. A fly would land and flutter its complexity and beauty. People in love with their life would elevate atmospheres around them. The harmonious symphony of the universe became obvious, and just like a well structured melody – existence contains both high and low notes. There are no “bad” notes, but there are harmonious combinations, and there are out of tune attempts at harmony.

The suffering we feel is in relation to love. Continuing to worry about events out of our control is like playing too many notes out of sequence, causing bad vibrations of thought patterns and emotions. We can’t control the universe – but we can control our reaction to the experience. With a calm and attentive mind, we can choose to affect the probabilities of our outcomes, rather than allow an illusory force of fate to choose our destiny for us.

My process of awakening began as a lonely experience. But the more I loved myself, the more I realised I was never truly alone. In this self-love transition I found all the comfort and alignment within. I still had so much fun being around my friends, and enjoyed the silly pleasantries life has to offer. But the mention of spiritual concepts created a glaze that would envelop over their eyes and attention. The people around me were preoccupied with the duties of daily life, and were content in the immediate and materialistic pleasures. Not that anything is wrong in this pursuit, they are all enjoying themselves. Indeed the truest truth of existence is to enjoy it.

However, I felt a deeper longing for life. Something more than systematic fear mongering and industrious working weeks. We’ve been fed to us on a mercurious platter containing lies that this life is “normal”, and people who vary from the production line are to be named ill. These discoveries – of transcendence, of agapic love, of lifting the veil of the notion that suffering is necessary, and the realisation I have the power in my essence to create the experience I want – are exciting, and I was yearning to discuss this. There were plenty of people online who talked of awakening, yet I felt the desire to connect spiritually with people personally, who felt it too.

So I travelled to Ecuador, a spiritual place for sure. I was going to work with plant medicine, learn the teachings of the Shamans and connect with people on a deeper level. The plan was to experience and integrate the mysticism of both Ayahuasca and San Pedro medicines over the course of 2 weeks and explore Ecuador alone for another 2 weeks, to help integrate the experiences… That 1 month extended to 6. I was gripped by the revelations I had through the medicines (more on that in another post) and the culture of the Shamanic people felt magnetic. For the first time in my life I felt like I really belonged – without friction.

The mystical experiences allowed all the knowledge and ideas I had gathered about spirituality, transmuting it into pure feeling and love. There is a difference between knowledge and wisdom. Wisdom must be experienced and felt. It felt like I had all the jigsaw pieces for awakening right in front of me, and the plant medicine slotted it all in place for me, and made me not just know reality – but feel it too.

This entire experience brought me inner peace. I was able to speak to like minded people and really get to experience the true loving nature of existence. Synchronicities were happening immediately without delay. The flow of life was unfolding itself into a magical red carpet for me to dance on. There was no turning back now, my perspective on reality had shifted in polarity and there was no way I could forget this bliss I feel… Right?

When I returned back to the UK, I struggled with integration. There were plenty of resources online to help around spiritual growth, but I struggled finding anything personally useful around integration. The concrete jungle presented here is vastly different to the magical mountains I had just resided in. And upon speaking with others I met there, it turns out the majority has the same dilemma. It is easy to slip back into old habits – and once western life settles back in – we can easily forget what is true.

It has been a year now since my venture into the mountains, and each day I have grown. I have indeed slipped into old pleasantries and habits. But slowly, one by one, I am peeling away these habits and remembering more clearly each day to find beauty in the perceived chaos. It is a state of mind, and we can continue to remember the beauty of reality with gratitude, love and compassion. Take time each day to consider how blessed you are to be alive. How grateful you are for the things in your life. And become aware of nature where you find it. It is a really magical life.

My spiritual journey began alone, but it doesn’t have to be that way. More and more people are waking up. So.. I have a vision and a dream, to create a community of people who are waking up to the true nature of reality. A platform for people to resist the slumber of the unconscious. A place to remember who we really are, and connect with each other on a deeper level. Helping each other and reminding each other what life is really about. And this new journey begins here.


You can also purchase the design featured in this post if you fancy! 🙂

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